Our Evolving Stories

After years of telling our stories here on this blog, it’s finally time to build a better one.
One with more options, with more space, with fewer issues.

We want this new space to become more, to showcase how we’ve grown-not just the team, but all of us, as military spouses, family members, active duty, vets.

This, here,  is our plan.

And so here we are.

Many of you have been here with us, on this journey from the very beginning.

Some of you have joined us over the years.

Some of you are brand new, and wondering exactly what’s going on.


Who we are as spouses, as military dependents, as those who love a service member, or once did, has evolved.

Has changed.

We’ve changed.

We’ve grown worn.

But stronger.


But resilient.


But not truly alone.


We’ve talked a lot about the ugly side of military life.

The stresses.

The moves.

The anger.

The pain.

The overwhelming fear.

It’s all still there, but we’ve learned how much more we are because of it now.

And because of that, we have so much more to talk about now.


We are strong.




Owning our stories.

Full of light and wonder.

Never kept down.

A family of people we’ve never met, but know because their stories and voices are our own.


And we, the Her War team, we want to create a space for the evolving story of the military spouse.

All of us.

Because it’s time for us to move out of the shadows of who the wars made us, into our own light.


Let’s create something beautiful.

Something that reminds us that we are never again alone.



I’m Not Okay

ColleenThere comes a point during extended stress, when things that no one else would consider okay suddenly seem normal.

You don’t even realize the level of stress and no okay that’s building up inside.

And because you feel as if everything is fine, asking for help gets that much harder. 

Sometimes you don’t even know you need it.

I’m not okay


It is Tuesday.  I’ll be okay.

I woke up late.  I’ll be okay.

It is raining.  I’ll be okay.

The kids are playing in the bathroom.  I’ll be okay.

There’s water everywhere.  I’ll be okay.

I yell at the oldest child.  I’ll be okay.

She cries.  She’ll be okay.

I yell at the youngest child.  She’ll be okay.

She hides under her bed.  She’ll be okay.

The dishes are still in the sink.  I’ll be okay.

The laundry is still there.  I’ll be okay.

I stifle tears.  I’ll be okay.

I look at the wine.  I’ll be okay.

The oldest child’s room is a disaster.  I’ll be okay.

I lose my temper.  I’ll be okay.

The youngest child hides under her bed again.  She will be okay.

I send angry messages to him.  He will be okay.

I smash a good plate.  I’ll be okay.

I redline the van, hoping for a concrete wall.  I’ll be okay.  

I’m not okay.

They are not okay.

We are not okay.


I wrote this poem a few months ago.  I didn’t know how “not okay” I was.  I’ve read somewhere that getting help is a sign that you’ve been strong for too long.  I think I was already broken.  It took a long time for me to get help.  I look back and realize how broken and scared I was.  

I’m okay now.  

I really am okay now.  



If you or anyone you know needs help, please reach out.

We’re here for you. 

Courage Beyond

1 (866) 781-8010 Web:


Consultant Line: 1(800) 342-9647 Web:
Military Crisis Line: 1(800) 273-TALK (8255)


1 (800) 273-TALK (8255) Web:


1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) Web:


1 (800) 656-HOPE (4673) Web:


1 (800) 4-A-CHILD (422-4453) Web:


1 (800) THE-LOST (843-5678) Web:

Note: Many of these have options for those with communication
needs such as Español only or hearing impaired. Check the organization’s website for details.

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