You may recall our guest blogger, Kristle, from the first part of her story shared here on Her War, Her Voice. Kristle is back with us to finish the story about her new beginning.
Part two of my story is a story that has yet to end, one that we will continue to struggle with forever. The day my husband returned from deployment was by far the greatest day of my life: we laughed together, and cried together, and spent those “intimate” moments that had been missed.
This honeymoon phase was short lived though, as I began to realize that the Army sent me somebody else’s Soldier, this WAS NOT the man I married, nor was it a man I wanted to be married to. He acted impulsively, he was quick to anger, he even slammed on the brakes in the interstate once, we still have yet to figure out why, but this is KS, and the only thing for miles were cows. We tend to joke about it now, “oh look a cow bomb,” but in all reality, it’s not funny at all.
After many fights, and many more episodes, I gave him an ultimatum: he had to get help, or I was leaving. We had a child to think about, and this wasn’t fair to him, or me. Soon after starting anger management was when we first heard the dreaded words Traumatic Brain Injury, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
No way, I kept telling myself. He wasn’t in any traumatic event, he would have told me right? Wrong again Kristle, a lot went on that you didn’t know about, and a lot went on that you still don’t. Nate’s job in Iraq was to find the IED’s before they found him.
On September 21, 2007, he rolled over three 130 mm artillery shells stacked together. They detonated and sheared everything off the vehicle. He was tossed from the front seat to the back of the vehicle. The blast tore up his brain tissue, and gave him what was described to me as the “Adult version of shaken baby syndrome.” Why he wasn’t just sent home at that point is beyond me, yeah he wasn’t missing limbs, or in a coma for 3 days, but he lost consciousness, and to me that throws up a red flag.
But who was I besides a husband deprived Army wife who wanted her husband home?? Looking back I know now what the warning signs were, he did change after that. He is now medically retired from the army, but he suffers from memory loss, speech delays, blackouts, headaches, 80% loss of hearing, breathing difficulties, nightmares, and the list could continue down the page if I let it.
Doctors say that with time this stuff could heal and he/ we could lead a normal life, but if the past two and half years have been an indication, I don’t see that happening. Some days I wake up and wonder, why me? why us? and others I am just thankful that he is here with us. I get so mad sometimes, I just want to scream. I think it’s not fair that I’m 23 and I’m going to have to take care of my husband for the rest of my life.
It’s not fair that now that he is out of the Army they couldn’t give two hoots about him; he didn’t even get a retirement ceremony, or a retirement award! It really makes me mad how these guys have been treated.The part that hurts the worst though, is that my children will never know the man their father once was, and as much as that bothers me, I know he will never forgive himself for that either.
It’s not an easy life, I can tell you that, but I am reminded every day that he sacrificed his brain, his health, and the man that he once was for the freedom of this country, so my children and I can live Free, and for that I am eternally grateful!
To read more about how Kristle and her husband are working together toward healing, visit her blog.
