“I am going to Somalia! Take that Dude. I am deploying before you even finish basic!”
Those were my words to my now husband some 18 years ago. I was excited and thrilled to be shipping out to do something real in the world other than just training and sweeping the motor pool. That deployment never happened but a life of not breathing, tubes in my throat, numerous hospital visits and being bounced on and off of steroids, did.
I was running in formation for PT and then all of a sudden I could not catch my breath. I fell back and I was pissed because I did not fall out of runs. I stumbled, trying to force myself to breathe and run, and I fell in to the ditch. (This should not be surprising to anyone after reading Melissa’s last blog about my toe.) I gathered myself, caught up with my group, still not breathing, and then I collapsed. I heard the guys saying “She is blue! We got to get her to the medic!” I was swung into someone’s arms and ran to the aid station.
It turns out that I was not getting any air into my lungs. I had suffered chemical burns to them while painting our vehicles to deploy to Somalia. I was 19, very athletic and identified myself with being the jock and beating the guys. Competing was who I was. If it was physical in nature, I was doing it. Then I couldn’t do any of it. After having tubes forced down my throat for not listening to the docs about my limitations, I had to stop being me. I had to stop being in the Army. I had to take steroids that made me bitchy and hungry. I had to carry around an inhaler, and I had to watch my physical activity. I was broken and no one could see it. All they could see was a fat chick who won’t exercise. I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I was medically discharged in 1997 from the Army and granted 30% disability for my lungs. I had to find a new way. The Army paid for my B.S. in psychology and I married that Dude. I have found who I am, but it has been a long road. I still fight with my limitations and feel bitter and angry about the burns, but it has led me to now. And I am happy with now because there is no way of knowing where that other path would have taken me.
Tags: acceptance, Army wife, Chris Piper, Christina Piper, frustration, frustrations, her war, her war her voice, injuries, military life, military spouse, military wife, soldier
I can imagine how hard that must have been for you! I know what its like to have a dream, and an identity, and have that come crashing down around you in a second! Finding who you are is hard, but the person you have become is incredibly inspiring, and even though sometimes you wonder about the “what if’s,” I think that its clear why that happened to you. Its so you could inspire the rest of us!