I am guilty of drawing a line in the sand. Feeling angry with those who are not going through what I am. What we are. What my children endure. And every once in a while, a civilian comes along and knocks me across that line and buries me with kindness and love. And I no longer feel forgotten. I feel loved. And appreciated. She may never understand my pain, but Beth Allen has proven to me that civilians don’t need to understand to help and support us. They just need an opportunity to erase that line. ~Melissa
Beth is joining us today as a guest blogger:
I have a confession –I’m a civilian. Until last year, I never had involvement with anything military. I didn’t know any of you.
Although I was brought to tears watching newscasts of soldiers leaving –seeing them part from their families, with spouses hugging, children clinging, everyone crying– once out of my sight, it was forgotten. I didn’t think about military families. I didn’t think about the effect of deployments. I didn’t think about you. I didn’t know.
Then a dear Navy reservist friend of my daughter began a deployment, leaving behind his two young children. It took the shock of his separation from his children, and from my daughter, to get me to face my ignorance and lack of interest. I was touched. I was involved.
I now had a daughter who was “left behind” –and while I knew she and her friend would stay connected and write to each other, I thought of the others left behind without ability to stay connected: his children.
After searching online and finding nothing for deployed parents to easily communicate with their young children, I realized I’d have to do it myself.
I sought a way for him to keep in touch with his children in a way that would engage them. And I thought of postcards. Easy to take overseas, with space for a note from him and drawings the children color and do other activities –all by themselves –their very own mail! Each card sent back to him would be a little piece of home. He’d share their accomplishments; the art would keep them connected.
So began my “Troops In Touch” ™ project and thoughts of making these cards available to others experiencing the pain of separations.
How would I reach them? I had no clue. This was a world I knew nothing about.
I visited a recruiting office, VA groups, posted notices, but I still didn’t know how to reach you. At a nearby Armory, home to deployed National Guard troops, I met soldiers who distributed the postcards to some families and I learned about Family Assistance and Readiness Groups. I became familiar with military jargon and spent hours online learning about and linking up with organizations that support military families. All of this an education. A new world.
Then I read an op-ed piece by Melissa and once I contacted her, my life was truly never the same again. She opened up the world of military wife and mother to me as she does to others through Her War, Her Voice and her books. She became my biggest booster and a treasured friend.
She helped me understand how my work, especially as a non-military person, impacts those it touches. She shared the pain and struggles of her young daughter who not only loved the postcards, but also began to use them as a way to express her anger and sadness of having her father removed from her for the fifth time.
Melissa scanned her daughter’s drawings and sent them to me so I could see how what I drew was transformed into a means to help heal her hurting child. Seeing her child’s added drawn tears and “I miss you” writing come to life on the pre-printed drawings broke my heart. I was immeasurably moved and more deeply committed than I could ever be.
She introduced me to Army Wife Talk Radio, where I heard from and about other women going through multiple deployments. As I listen to and read your stories, I become aware of how non-military people, like me, rarely know what your families go through.
Yes, “Troops In Touch” may have some impact on your lives, but the impact on mine has been vast and in ways I cannot easily put into words. I’ve learned a little about a way of life I knew nothing about. I’ve learned that patriotism is so strong for so many. And, I’ve developed a deep appreciation for the sacrifices made every day by ordinary people –especially the young children.
It took a deployment coming to my door before I took action. At first, I was embarrassed by my lack of interest and knowledge, but now I feel connected, part of a community where service prevails. Even though my service involves no uniform.
My family friend is home now, and I hope the need for the work he and his children inspired will be short-lived, but its impact will be everlasting. What began as a simple project to help him has evolved into me being forever changed.
It started with a postcard. A small thing. But perhaps that is all anyone needs. Something small. After all, the smallest things often reap big rewards. My reward is that now I know. I know you.
To learn more about Beth or about her postcards, visit Troops In Touch.
Tags: beth allen, kids, military kids, soldiers and kids, troops in touch
Beth, thank you for your work. Your printables have helped my elicit emotions from my boys that they couldn’t explain to me. I feel like I’m able to connect with them and help them with the many deployments and TDYs they go through with their Dad.