Being that I am an “old pro” at this deployment business, I thought I could outsmart R & R. Really, how hard could this be? He has been practically a visitor, off and on, for the last seven years. There was no way I didn’t have R & R in the bag. Well….let’s just say I got a crash course, again, at what R & R is capable of doing. In no particular order, here are the top 15 little-known facts of R & R.
1. R & R has been scientifically proven to be connected to the Bermuda Triangle. It seems each bite of ice cream or cheese ingested during this time winds up lost at sea somewhere between my thighs, my butt, and my belly. The R & R trifecta.
2. The clicker actually is a part of the family to receive sweet luvin’ and nightly whisperings while he channel surfs.
3. Every grain of sand from Afghanistan and Iraq becomes renegade stowaways as soon as he steps foot off the FOB.
4. Waking up every two hours terrified you have slept with a stranger and given him your spouse’s pillow is completely normal
5. Circling each other for the first three days like primal apes smelling the “fresh meat” is part of the R & R ritual rarely briefed in meetings.
6. It is possible to actually run out of clothes due to a laundry strike
7. Said clothes from laundry strike can actually begin to walk on their own after 15 days of sitting in stench
8. Mold CAN multiply overnight
9. Routines? Where we’re going, we don’t need routines.
10. Time Warps are standard. 15 days really become 15 minutes. While four months turn into ETERNITY
11. R & R is NOT considered an excused absence from school! Who knew? I mean, HE’S HOME, SILLY SCHOOL PEOPLE!
12. We should all receive R & R cards to flash at random. “You mean I can’t jump to the front of the line at Space Mountain? Oh, yeah. Wait. (flips out wallet, Dragnet style) Here you go, Skippy. I’m a card carrying R & R machine. “
13. It seems your spouse will continue to walk around for a few days with his hand held at an awkward position. Evidently, parting with your “piece” takes a little alone time to get over.
14. When beards grow out, rashes appear. Not a nice thing for public outings.
15. Leaving his clothes all over the house to avoid washing them will actually NOT bring him home faster. I know. I’m baffled, too!
