This newest guest blog touched me on many levels. As soon as I talk with a spouse from a different branch of service, we spend the first ten minutes saying, “Well, at least I don’t have it as hard as you do.” Our desire to honor our fellow fighters is strong. And we rarely complain or vent, or just reach across the branches to the very people who understand us the most. I am proud to feature our first Air Force blog. And even more proud that she touched on an emotion that hovers around us all. Please welcome, Rana.
Every day, around the world, there is a military spouse/fiancé/girlfriend (and male counterparts as well) who is separated from their loved one. They are Army, Marine, Navy, Air Force, and Coast Guard families. I think about them and what they may be feeling, but I also have underlying guilt.
I feel guilty, as an Air Force spouse, complaining during deployments. Why? Well, Air Force families endure shorter deployments (unless they are in a combat type career field). First it was 3 months, then 4 months, and now 6 months (for us in particular it’s really 7 months). Hey, that’s nothing compared to our service counterparts! But, it is still difficult just the same, especially when it becomes an annual event. We still deal with the separation, the anxiety, worries of what is happening to our loved one, making it day to day through various life events, and trying to “reintegrate”/reconnect once they come home.
I feel guilty because I know we sometimes get much more notice of a deployment than our sister services do. We have more time to mentally prepare. Does it make it any easier? No, not really.
I feel guilty because we don’t miss as many events as others do. I admire the spouses that have to endure through a 12 – 15 month deployment (or longer). How do they make it through the days? The missed birthdays, holidays, and the anniversaries?
I feel guilty if I can get a phone call a day for a week, while my fellow spouse is waiting for weeks, or months even, before they may hear any word from their own spouse. The constant worry that must stay with them has to be difficult. So I know every moment of contact is cherished.
I feel guilty when I watch the news and hear about an incident in the war zone because mine is not in the thick of things. But he’s close enough. Close enough to help evacuate the wounded, close enough to help with CPR, close enough to see the damage.
I feel guilty that mine has come home safe every time. How many have gotten that notification?
I feel guilty that we’ve endured so many deployments, and have managed to make the marriage survive. How many have fallen apart? That’s not to say we haven’t had struggles because we’ve had many.
Why do I feel so guilty? Am I the only one who feels like this? It’s not a competition to see who does better in this situation. It’s safe to say, military families do not like deployments. Who in their right mind would? We need support from our friends and families, and especially our fellow spouses – no matter what service! Only YOU can understand ME and vice versa. I support all of you and commend you for being among the silent ranks!
Rana is a proud Air Force wife and veteran, homeschooling mom to 2!
